A Touch Too Far
by PierceTheVeils
Summary: When Ema asks Nahyuta out on their first date, she's determined to leave her past behind her. But she's not the only one with baggage. Possible one-shot, originally for a prompt on the kink meme.
1. Chapter 1

A Touch Too Far

Three months after that fateful trial. Three months after Ema had agreed to work out of Khura'in with Nahyuta. Only now was it starting to feel like the right choice.

Make no mistake, things between them were going well. She'd been right when she sensed the monk harbored less-than professional feelings for her (well, she'd gotten Apollo's junior partner to confirm it, but _hey_ ), and was more than relieved when her first shot at asking him out had been successful. It was a simple affair, dinner with conversation limited to all things not work related. The night could have gone on forever, the way she felt as she sat across the table from him. Three months ago, a situation like that would have been unthinkable.

In some ways, it still was. She felt like she was floating on the clouds.

But when Ema collapsed on her bed in her small city house that night, she wondered how long this happiness would last.

She was getting used to the customs here. She didn't understand all of them, but learning was a fast process when one was completely immersed. Her knowledge of forensic science far outpaced that of the other police officers, so it fell on her to teach them. That was fun.

Everything else… well, that was a work in progress.

Lana hadn't been happy with her sudden move to Asia. When she first visited her after making the decision in June, they'd barely talked all lunch. When Ema finally called attention to the elephant in the room, it exploded into a fight. Lana was so distant after, even when she apologized. It almost felt like she was in high school again.

And… _he_ was there, again.

She called Nahyuta that night in near tears, smiling at his stories of the Holy Mother and the strings of karma and fate. It was almost comforting, to believe for a second that she wasn't just wandering aimlessly through life. The way she felt when she got back to him was the warmest sensation she'd felt in years. It almost made her long for something more.

Something she'd refused to think about since she was a teenager.

Maybe they could work up to it slowly. Ema would give him a peck on the cheek the next time they got together. He would wrap her in his soft embrace before saying goodbye. And if something went too far, if Ema forgot where she was for a second… he would understand. Maybe.

What was she doing? They'd barely had one date, and she was already imagining months into the future.

Right?

Ema was no stranger to the way some people hooked up. She didn't care what other people did, but it made it a bit harder to find dates in college. People called her a prude. A science nun. A boring experiment. She shook it off, eventually. It was only because they didn't know. And how could they? She never told anyone.

Ema's knowledge of dating habits in Khura'in was limited. Having a Holy Mother of three children (one of which was born after the death of her husband) as a goddess figure meant sex was viewed far more positively than in other religions, and no one in the clergy was required to take vows of celibacy. Beyond that, Ema had no clue how sex in dating relationships was handled, and she had no idea who she would ask about such a matter. Not without being questioned.

The night crawled along, but her brain was moving too fast for sleep. She wished she had an off switch, but of course humans didn't.

Nahyuta was one of the gentlest, most endearing men she'd ever met. She didn't want to lose him over something like this.

She didn't want to let Damon Gant ruin one more thing in her life.

* * *

One evening, Nahyuta invited Ema over to the royal residence, saying it was for another "informal meeting". He'd called their date the same thing last time.

Ema smiled the whole way there, much as she tried to block it. She didn't want to look like some swooning fangirl. It would go against everything she'd stood for when she'd argue with the glimmerous fop.

Not that Nahyuta was any less glimmerous, but it was the way he carried himself that was different. He didn't go out of his way to call attention to himself everywhere he went. If she was honest, he was more of an introvert than she was. Ema was lucky to have him.

She stopped at the gate, showing her letter of summons to the guard. He let her in with no trouble.

Ema turned into the royal consort's former quarters, where Nahyuta had set up residence. He said he hadn't taken the queen's palace because it would be presumptuous of him to claim such a place. Even though he held various audiences in there every day, he always spent as little time as possible within its walls. All this time, and he still wasn't comfortable taking the former queen's place in the chamber.

Seeing the two guards at the door, Ema took that to mean he was already in his chambers. She nodded to them, them knocked on the door.

"Nahyuta? I'm here."

His voice permeated the door, even as always. "Come in."

He smiled as she opened the door, standing from a meditative pose. "Thank you for coming. I wanted to show you something I found very beautiful."

"What is it?" She asked, curious.

"I'll show you." He walked off into another room, expecting her to follow. Ema followed him, laying eyes on an ornately detailed scroll, full of illustrations and Khura'inese writing. Since she couldn't decipher what any of it said, she was left looking at the pictures.

It was a mountain, surrounded by tons of animals and wildflowers. A flock of butterflies flew above, gathering around a central figure of the Holy Mother. The way the animals were watching her so attentively, it was as though the goddess were giving a sermon of some kind. Though it was hard to tell, given that the figure had no mouth.

"It's beautifully done," she commented.

"The image is almost a hundred years old. This scroll has been preserved almost perfectly. A few acolytes found it while sorting through the temple library. I happened to pass by when they'd laid it out on a table. I was going to frame it in this room."

"Oh." For the first time, Ema noticed which room they were in. It was his bedroom.

"Do you think it would look nice in here?"

"Yeah. The… the colors match, I guess." All of the sudden, she was nervous. "It's a pretty scroll, too. Is the mountain a real place?"

"At one time, yes. It looks different now." Nahyuta turned to her, a small spark in his eyes. "The illustration is based on a passage in the scriptures, after the Holy Mother became a goddess and was met by the other spirits of nature. The meeting took place on the border to Khura'in."

"What do the words say?"

"Merely verses taken from the passage. If I were to guess, I would say a monk created this scroll in his personal time, and not for any official purpose." He smiled. "The Head Monk didn't think it was anything special, so my taking it wasn't an issue.

"Tell me, Ema. How have these past days been?"

"They've been fine, I guess. I... really enjoyed our last evening together." She smiles as she spoke.

"I'm glad to hear it. Lately, I haven't been able to stop thinking about our time together. I find myself longing for your company... quite often in fact. You're quite the pleasant companion."

Ema blushed, even as her mind began to connect the dots on why she'd been invited here. "Thanks. I enjoy spending time with you, too."

"My apologies for not being more attentive. I'm sure you're as aware as anyone of how much there is to fix in this country."

"I don't blame you. You have a job to do here, and thanks to you, so do I."

Was this really going where she thought it was? Did she want it to get there? Of course she'd thought about doing it with Nahyuta (what girl with eyes hadn't?), but was she ready? Really ready to let the past go and move on?

"I'm glad to hear that." Nahyuta sat down on his bed, beckoning her to follow. She gingerly sat down beside him, staying still as he stroked her hair. "There's something I've been thinking about doing with you."

"Really?"

Screw it. Ema had been hiding in fear for too long. She was a healthy woman of twenty seven. She had urges.

"Indeed. Ema, would you like to-"

"Yes," she interrupted, kissing him on the mouth. Her hands slipped into his coat, scrambling to pull it apart. She fell on top of him, pulling back to see the look on his face.

He was shocked. Blushing furiously, eyes darting around the room. Everywhere but at her.

"...see the temple's inner gardens with me, tonight. The evening sermon should be over, after all."

Ema didn't know what to say. Her throat constricted around her. She couldn't speak. She couldn't breathe.

She couldn't even look at him.

"...Ema?"

She stumbled off of him, ears violently red. "I'm sorry."

"Did you have… other things in mind, perhaps?"

Of course he wasn't like that. He was a slow, meticulous, plan-every-case-down-to-a-grain-of-sand sort of monk. She'd been wrong about everything, here.

But the way he looked at her… Almost with fear in his eyes. She couldn't get it out of her head.

"I think I need to go home, tonight. I'm sorry."

"..."

He didn't speak. She turned back around for only a moment. He wasn't looking at her.

"Nahyuta?"

"If you must."

The investigator stuttered, then fell silent. She walked out, mind shocked into silence.

What sort of idiot was she?

* * *

 **A/N's: Hey, everyone! I felt bad that I hadn't written for my favorite ship in a while, so here's something I started a long time ago for a kink meme fill. I don't remember what the prompt was exactly, but it had something to do with how both Ema and Nahyuta had faced sexual abuse in their life (Ema with Gant, Nahyuta with Ga'ran), and being in a relationship where neither knows about the other is complicated by such a fact. It's a bit different from, but (the fic, at least) was inspired by a fic on ao3 titled "Of Letting Go and Holding On", which I beta. It doesn't meet rating requirements for this website, but I can't recommend it enough.**

 **As for this fic, I do have my thoughts about continuing it, but I also may not. Either way, I wouldn't expect an update anytime soon. I have projects that prioritize above this one, and little time to write anything at all. Stupid school.**

 **Let me know what you think in reviews, thanks for reading, and I'll see you on the far side!**


	2. Chapter 2

A Touch Too Far

Nahyuta watched in stunned silence as she threw herself out the door. His cheeks were still red from the surprise. He felt the need to curse.

He'd brought her to his personal quarters, but only to show her what he'd found. Even so, he wasn't completely unaware of what it meant to invite a woman into one's room. But somehow, it never crossed his mind that Ema may, perhaps, want to take their relationship to that extreme at this stage. He'd thought with her, they could take things slower. More precisely. Give him time to ready himself for the act of sharing himself with another.

Give him the time to heal.

Still, the whole thing was his fault. He should have seen the signs and planned accordingly. He shouldn't have frozen so when Ema sought his touch. The last thing Nahyuta wanted her to think was that he wasn't attracted to her. He was.

But... it was more complex than that. Though a few months had passed since his chains were broken, the shackles he wore for five years still weighed heavily around his wrists. The chains that bound him to her every command, no matter how lewd or vile. Such things were not forgotten in so little time.

And yet, he'd hoped things could be different. These days were the days of revolution, of change within and outside oneself. Seeing Apollo stand behind the defense bench and give his all every day was a sight Nahyuta thought he'd never get to see in Khura'in. Not without fearing for the man's life. Seeing Ema teach other police officers how to embrace better forensics techniques gave him hope for the future, where the people of Khura'in could learn to accept the side by side placement of tradition and modernity. Devotion and Reason.

But such a balance could be hard to achieve, with each side bringing different expectations to the table. Nahyuta could only pray this was a temporary setback.

In the end, he still went to the temple gardens. When empty, the enclosed space served as an atmosphere of peace for the young monk. Leaving his guards at the entrances, Nahyuta removed what was necessary and placed himself beneath the waterfall.

It was not a strong one. Not one that would be used for any sort of spiritual training. But the familiar feeling had a calming effect. Feeling the cold, clear water rush over his skin made him feel clean again. Made him forget the filth and shame he carried deep within.

The Holy Mother was a protector of the abused, and was written about in the scriptures as being quite harsh towards men who would abuse their wives or soldiers who would assault their prisoners. Though she was an advocate for both in many spheres, the act of rape was never seen as something that could be done to a man. Few interpretations throughout history ever suggested such an idea could be taken from the goddess's words.

In spite of that, Nahyuta always believed she would protect him. And in a way, she had. How else had the very district Apollo worked out of became the one that was in need of his services? How else was it that Inga had sent the Orb to a town only hours outside the city, out of anywhere in the world? He was grateful his prayers had been answered.

But though the root of the evil was removed, the damages wrought were not. It was Nahyuta's job as regent to clean up his predecessor's mess, a job he'd dreamed of. A job that was proving nearly impossible.

And now, he'd messed things up with Ema. The one part of his day that he didn't dread. The part that kept him sane.

How was he going to clean this up?

* * *

The next day, Nahyuta sent a messenger to the investigator's apartment, asking her if she would see him again that evening. He got no reply, and spent all day in audiences and meetings thinking about what to say. It was terribly distracting.

When the time finally came, Nahyuta forced himself to keep a calm outer front. He remained perfectly still, seated upright in the living room of Inga's former quarters. He had no fond memories of his late uncle, but the ones he had of Ga'ran were far worse.

As the time he specified came and went, Nahyuta felt his hope slowly dwindle. He was about to return to his work when a knock came at the door.

"Come in," he replied, doing his best to prevent his voice from shaking.

His breath hitched when he saw Ema. She looked as fearful as he felt, eyes shining with concern. "Nahyuta."

"...Ema."

"I'm... really sorry, about yesterday. I didn't mean to take it too far like that. I guess I overstepped my bounds."

"No, it's fine. I now realize that my actions may have had... implications, that I hadn't considered." He had to be careful in how he said this. He didn't want to let out something he'd regret. "I should not have led you on as I did. It was never my intention.

"But please don't take this as a sign of indifference. I... I truly do like you. I'm not against us eventually having that sort of connection, but-"

"You don't want it today," she finished. "Or anytime soon."

He sighed, offering the smallest of a smile. "Yes. It has nothing to do with you. I'm simply not in the right place to take things to that level."

Ema smiled back, far wider than he had. "I understand. If I'm honest... I may not be, either."

"Hm?" Nahyuta leaned back, surprised. "So it's a relief, to you?"

"...Yeah." She took a while to answer him. Nahyuta understood, to an extent. The wounds of his past were still quite fresh. He had no intentions of revealing his scars to her. Not while their relationship was so new.

Perhaps something had happened to her, as well. Perhaps one day, she would share it with him.

But as she sat down across from him, and he taught her the rules to the infamous "Khura'inese chess", he realized he was okay with that. For now, a connection such as this was all he could bear. He shouldn't force himself beyond that.

Some wounds healed faster than others, but eventually, time would heal them all.

* * *

 **A/N's: So I finished this a lot faster than planned. The resolution was pretty short, mostly because I decided not to delve into the territory Oblivion's fic was already covering. I didn't want to write that story, and she's already writing it better than I could anyway.**

 **But one thing I do want to get better at with this ship is writing Nahyuta's POV as well as I can Ema's. Even in the limited fanfics this ship has, Ema is overwhelmingly the POV character, mostly because she's easier for an author to write. I want to strike more of a balance. This is also in contrast to my earlier smut fic, a case where neither party wants to engage in physical intimacy and they can accept where they both are as people. As romantic as sex can be, it's important to remember other ways for couples to express their affections.**

 **And that's all I have for this piece. Now back to slowly hacking away at the mountain that is Rise from the Ashes. I'm starting to believe I'll never have that case sinned.**

 **Even so, thanks for reading. Hope you take the time to review/comment, and I'll see you on the far side!**


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